Have you ever found yourself wondering whether you locked your car door or not, what will you have for dinner or what groceries you need to get, while having sexual intercourse with your partner?
If you have, don’t worry, it’s nothing to feel guilty about, it happens to most and the best of us.
We have got a few ways to make you present, in the moment and in your body.
Use your hands
One of the things that you can do to feel
present during sex is using your hands. Caress your partner’s body; put their
hair behind their ear. Little touches like that are a portrayal of intimacy and
affection. These touches show that you are engaging with your partner and are
as involved and available as you can be.
Using your hands like running them up and down your partner’s body creates
sensation and makes you feel the warmth and presence of your partner, ensuring
that you don’t just forget that they are present in front of you, it helps you
stay grounded and stay connected to them, ensuring you are not distracted by a
stain on the ceiling or a crack on the wall.
Talk to your partner
Talking to your partner and communicating is
crucial for the stability and working of any relationship and to keep you
engaged during sex.
You don’t need to start big, start small. With little words and noises of
appreciation. With things like “yes….”, “I like that…”, “keep going.” These are
little phrases that can help you keep engaged with your partner, and your
partner’s response to these will keep them engaged with you.
You can also try dirty talking if you and your partner would be comfortable with that or with the idea of dirty talking. It works best when you are taking dirty to a woman. See, women are wired in a way which makes the emotional and sexual part of their brain make most or all decisions for them. What they think and when they think about it matter a great deal in leading a successful love life. So when you keep talking to them, telling them what you like about them and about having sex with them, it is natural for them to reciprocate and give you the attention you require, making you focus on what they want and need and being able to ask for what you want and what you need.
Take Control
When you feel like you’re losing focus, take control of the situation. During your involvement with your partner, if you think that you’re getting distracted or you checked out then change what you’re doing, change your position, change the activity itself. Any change, in speed, position, forces our mind to refocus, for example, shuddering helps you refocus. Any other such change in position gives you an extra edge that you need to stay alert and present.
Being the one in control and calling the shots can also help you be present and attentive to what your partner needs. You can change the pace, speed, activity according to how you feel and observe your partner to seek their approval of the activity.
Feel the sensations in your body
When you’re in the moment, all you need to do is feel. Feel how each cell of your body is reacting to the touch of your partner, to the touch of the fabric, to the touch of the air. Describe each sensation your body feels, the warmth of your companion’s body, the cold of the air or the fabric beneath you, the friction between your bodies, or the effortless gliding of your genitals, the pleasure that you feel from each of those soft kisses or the slight pain from that scratch or bite.
You don’t need to judge what you feel or whether or not you’re enjoying it. All you need to think about is what you’re feeling. Focus on what you are doing, where your hand is touching, where is your leg, what your partner is doing, how does each touch and each stroke feel.
One of the things that are particularly useful is narrating your actions as if it were a story, as if you were writing them in your secret diary, a diary no one would ever read. You can also turn this into talking dirty over texts or sexting, telling your partner what you enjoyed the most and what would you like to try next time.
Eye Contact
Maintaining eye contact is one of the most important things for anything even mildly intimate, even a conversation. So, keeping eye contact during the conversation of two bodies and minds is even more important, it helps you stay in the moment and be available for your partner.
Give yourself and your partner some time
Not most people “get in the mood” in seconds as
shown in the movies, you have to make your partner come to that, build up
sexual frustration, make your partner want you, using the techniques discussed
earlier such as communication about what you liked and what you would like to
do next.
Such communication is likely to build anticipation and desire for what is to
come next. For women, especially, this build up is very necessary to keep you
focused on the goal that you’ve fantasized about almost all day. So when you
finally achieve it its utter bliss.
Limit distraction
If you are one who gets distracted easily then just limit them. Get your tasks of the day done so that at the end of the day you and your partner can only be distracted by each others’ companies and bodies. Put away your laundry basket so you don’t think of the clothes that need to be washed, tidy up your room so there aren’t clothes and stains and used utensils all over the place, leave your kids at the grandma’s house for a day, leave work at work to enjoy a quiet evening with you companion.
